


Losing the Irony of Sunglasses Indoors

by PennamePersona



Series: Making Sense of Life While on a Space Rock [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Discussion of Traumatic Events (not in detail), Discussion on the Absurdity of the word 'gay' as an Insult, Friends Caring About Each Other, Gen, Introspection, Sibling Bonding, The Beginning of Healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 06:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14868443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennamePersona/pseuds/PennamePersona
Summary: “Hello, Dave,” You say, tiredly. You attempt to stand, then give it up as a bad idea. “How have you been?”“Uh,” He says, again. “Like. Shitty, I guess?"orRose Lalonde and Dave Strider on the precipice of understanding each other and beginning to heal (and also dismantling compulsive heterosexuality and the concept of hyper-masculinity as beneficial to young people).





	Losing the Irony of Sunglasses Indoors

**Author's Note:**

> so...rose & dave after they get blown up and are on a space rock w/ six aliens and each other. Totally super into examining that!! I don't do a lot of Rose perspective, but it's fun to do, esp in reference to Dave. Derse Dreamers are such a delight to write, they've got so much to unpack and they'll do it themselves if you nudge 'em and make 'em sad.

You have spent so long in the dark that it feels utterly natural to you. You’ve embraced the dark in ways that actually and literally killed you - for you, arrogance, darkness, power, and paranoia are all intrinsically tied.

 

And you’re a Light player. Because of course you are.

 

You can’t quite tolerate being in a completely dark room. It’s too familiar, too much like the many stormy nights that shut down all power to your remote home. Too much like Derse, political intrigue and assassinations and secrets abounding, too much like the whispers of horrorterrors and ancient evils permeating your dreams.

 

Too much like yourself, skin dark and power screaming through your veins. 

 

But at the same time, too much light makes your head scream. You might actually have asked Dave to alchemize you a pair of shades, but you haven’t seen him for more than a few seconds since you arrived on the meteor. LOLAR was light and color all the time, so viscerally uncomfortable in a way just barely noticeable unless you examined it. Your planet was like thinking there was another stair left when there wasn’t, the feeling of confusion and unexpected stability, almost like falling but in the opposite direction.

 

And so you’re stuck. The dark is distressing, the light uncomfortable. Your current solution is to stay in rooms lit mainly by soft artificial light. You’ve lit quite a few candles, which gets you odd looks from Karkat on occasion, but he has yet to bring it up. Small miracles, you suppose.

 

You’re curled up in a corner of the room next to the lab claimed as the communal space. You can’t tolerate the exposed feeling of being somewhere other people can so easily find you, but you also can’t stand to be too far from where other living, breathing people are. You’ve compromised with this small, adjacent room, completely dark but for the closest thing to a lamp you could find. You’re sitting with your knees up, journal full of empty pages next to you. You’d almost managed to convince yourself you’d get some work done while you were here, but that plan was scrapped almost as soon as you sat down.

 

It’s so quiet, here. So quiet, all the time, unless there are people, but Vriska is too loud, Karkat too confrontational, Terezi too hyper-aware, Kanaya too much all around, the feelings you have around her just terrifying enough to unnerve you most days. She’s who you’re closest to, regardless, but some days it’s just overwhelming to be near her. Gamzee you never see, and the Dersite with the mayoral sash is generally holed up in his own space, which he decorates with all sorts of cans. It’s curious, but his quiet nature and surprisingly commanding presence disturbs you most days.

 

As for Dave, the only other human on this rock, your recently defined brother, the person who you often felt understood you close enough and well enough to be your closest friend, no matter John and Jade’s well meaning natures - he is nowhere to be found.

 

You’ve been attempting to placate Karkat with cryptic answers and subject changes, since admitting that you have no idea where Dave might be is intolerable to you. If you knew, you’d be there.

 

You miss him.

 

It’s hard to admit that, even just to yourself. Maybe especially to yourself. You and Dave have always been close, much as you purposefully antagonize each other. You aren’t terribly surprised to find that you’re related (albeit in a supremely complicated way), but discovering that and then within a span of almost no time at all trying to keep him from joining your suicide mission and failing was enough to try and handle. Failing that suicide mission, too, and coming out as a god was far beyond your capability to absorb. Adding onto that the reality of traveling on a meteor for three years with five trolls, a carapacian, and only one other human was…well. You’re fairly certain you still haven’t actually dealt with it.

 

You’d like to talk to Dave about it. You miss him more than you ever could’ve expected, an echo chamber in your chest that should be filled with walls of red text, left too silent for you to think on without phantom pains.

 

Footsteps pass the door to your small room, which is cracked very slightly open, just in case. In case of what, you don’t know, but at this point, you’re willing to entertain your paranoia in these tiny ways. Your lamplight shouldn’t be easily visible, anyway, and even if someone noticed, they have no reason not to dismiss it as a leftover from when twelve trolls occupied this space.

 

The footsteps stop, then come back to your door. 

 

“Didn’t notice this before,” A voice murmurs, and oh, that’s Dave. “Not too shocking, considering it’s been, like, seventy-two total hours that I’ve been near here, and most of that with Karkat ‘I’m the bossiest person on this meteor that also includes Rose goddamn Lalonde’ Vantas steering me towards watching shit movies. Oh shit, is that a li - ”

 

Somewhere in his rambling, he opened the door and noticed your lamp, and then, very quickly afterwards, you.

 

“Oh.” He says, actually silent for a long moment. “Uh.”

 

“Hello, Dave,” You say, tiredly. You attempt to stand, then give it up as a bad idea. “How have you been?”

 

“Uh,” He says, again. “Like. Shitty, I guess? Found some dead mutant creatures floating in some sorta formaldehyde stuff, unless they’re not dead, which, I’ve got no clue how to check for that - ”

 

“Do you always talk this much?” You ask. “It’s not a text-only thing?”

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty much set at a constant chatter,” He says. “Or so Karkat tells me. I don’t notice, most of the time. I guess I talk to myself a lot, but whatever, someone’s got to.”

 

“I would’ve,” You say before you can really think through voicing that aloud. He pauses again. Fuck.

 

“Yeah,” He says. “Um. Whoops, I guess.”

 

“Dave,” You start, but then he’s gesturing with his hands and talking again.

 

“I would’ve talked to you, but it was such a weird idea, not because I don’t like talking to you, I actually do, even when you’re super weird about everything I say because that’s just you, not like it wasn’t a back-and-forth, it’s just that the last time we saw each other we got blown up, and that’s sorta hard to bounce back from,” He says, barely pausing for breath. Actually, you aren’t convinced he _did_ stop for breath. “And the longer I went without saying anything, the weirder it got, and then it was just this self-imposed exile, and then Karkat found me, and now we do movie nights? Idk, Rose, shit’s wack.”

 

“You just said ‘idk’ out loud.” You say. “Like some sort of heathen.” 

 

“Yeah,” He agrees. “Sorry for calling you bossy, by the way. Even though it’s super true.”

 

“Why apologize, then?” You ask. 

 

“Eh,” He shrugs. “Politeness?”

 

You snort out a laugh, then cover your face in embarrassment. Dave laughs at your snort, which makes you giggle a bit hysterically, and then you’re both laughing at nothing funny enough to result in him sinking down the wall to sit next to you.

 

“So what’s your story?” He asks. “You doing the hermit thing, too?”

 

“Not exactly,” You say. “Dave…”

 

“Yeah.” He says. “I know. Shit’s motherfuckin’ whack.”

 

“We died,” You whisper. “We’re gods.”

 

“Absolutely, totally, and completely whack.” He says.

 

“And now we’re on a rock in space with five trolls and a carapacian and each other.” You say.

 

“Just about sums it up, yeah.” He agrees.

 

You pause.

 

“How the actual fuck did this happen?” You ask. “I mean, honestly. First meteors falling from the sky, then being transported to different planets, and apparently there were two of me and one has been sleeping on a weird moon for my entire life, apparently, and I went tits-up crazy, died, and now I’m a god on a rock and, also, you’re my brother, which should’ve been the strangest part of my day, but was so mundane comparatively that it’s actually annoying.”

 

“Tell me about it, sister,” Dave says, then laughs under his breath. “Super weird fuckin’ day. The aliens should’ve been the weirdest thing, in my opinion, but I acclimated so fucking quickly to that, it’s criminal.”

 

“Aliens!” You cry. “Aliens, Dave, who created our world and bothered us for years, but are apparently our age and incredibly opinionated and violent as a species.”

 

“Is Vriska as crazy as I think she is?” He asks.

 

“Even more so,” You say, and he sighs.

 

“Well,” He says. “If I’ve gotta be stuck on a weird rock for three goddamn years, while I go through actual puberty with only one human and six aliens present, I’m legitimately glad that human is you.”

 

“Aw,” You say, automatically. “Was that real sentiment, Dave?” 

 

“Shut up,” He groans. “I can take it back anytime I want.”

 

“Too late,” You say, smugly. “You said it, and it was sentimental and sweet and totally gay.”

 

“That’s such a weird word,” He blurts out, then clamps his mouth shut so quickly that it’s painfully obvious he didn’t mean to actually say it.

 

“Weird how?” You ask, a feeling sort of like hope and sort of like fear in your gut.

 

“Like, I used it as an insult for so long, but that’s kind of lame,” He says, talking with one hand waving around. “I mean, what good did being a manly man do my bro? He died, and yeah, he did some cool shit, but also, the example of super macho manliness he gave me was not actually that great, maybe. And being gay is, like, the opposite of macho manliness, apparently, and using it as a insult is just kind of ridiculous? I mean, you know how much I talk about dicks. Is it because I want one in my ass? Is it because I’m trying to overcompensate for not being able to be this heroic fucking idol like my bro, or even fucking John? I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t really care right now. Heterosexuality never did me any favors, and neither did trying so hard to be a ‘Real Man’.”

 

“Oh,” You say, blinking rapidly. “I. I, uh.”

 

“And, like, what would it matter if I was gay?” He continues. “Would it make me less a fake hero? Because I’d actually be into that. Shoot me with the homo gun, general, if it means I can stop pretending to be someone I’m not twenty-five hours a day.”

 

“I. Didn’t expect that.” You say. “You’ve really been thinking about this, haven’t you?”

 

“Yeah,” He sighs. “Among other shit.”

 

He takes his shades off and rubs his eyes.

 

“Will you make me a pair?” You blurt out.

 

“Huh?” He asks, glancing over at you, eyebrows drawn together and eyes shockingly red. You don’t know if you’ve ever really seen his eyes without something in front of them before. It’s…oddly intimate. Sort of nice, actually. Comforting, that he seems to trust you so much, after everything. 

 

“A pair of shades,” You clarify, pointing to his. “The light keeps giving me a headache.”

 

“Oh,” He says, understanding clearing his expression. “Yeah, no problem. Too much light gives me a headache, too. Could be wearing shades my whole fuckin’ life, or actual albinism or some shit.”

 

“I didn’t know that,” You say.

 

“Never had a reason to tell you,” He shrugs. “We’ve probably got a fuck ton to learn about each other.”

 

“Good thing we’ve got three years and almost no other people,” You say, and he nods, an almost smirk on his face that you can feel mirrored on your own.

 

“Let’s go make you some rad ass shades,” He says, standing up and reaching down a hand to help you up. You take it.

 

“Nothing too gaudy,” You say. “Or at least, if there must be a gaudy pair, allow me a simpler pair for everyday use.”

 

“No problem, sis,” He says, leading you out the door and down the hall towards the alchemizer chamber. 

 

“Oh, and also,” You say, that same hope-fear in your gut. “I think I’m a lesbian.”

 

He chokes on air and looks back at you, expression full of surprise and something like amusement.

 

“Fucking,” He says, almost smiling, voice like the edge of a laugh. “Okay, cool. Guess we don’t have to deal with the weirdly incestuous sorta-kinda flirting we used to do, then.”

 

You laugh out loud, the tension melting from you.

 

“I guess not,” You say. 

 

“So, like,” He says, a few minutes later. “Would you be offended if I started a betting pool with Karkat on which girl troll you end up making out with?

 

“Go for it,” You say. “Smart money’s on Kanaya.”

 

“Aw shit,” He says, a smile curling the edge of his mouth. “Thanks for the tip, Rosie. Oh, and if you end up doing to do sooner rather than later, you’ve gotta fill me in on what the hell troll junk looks like, because I’ve been listening to Karkat’s swearing rants, and I’m actually pretty sure they’ve all got both bits.”

 

“I don’t even know how to begin unpacking that,” You say, a laugh startled out of you. Dave shrugs, the tips of his ears slightly red, which just makes you laugh harder.

 

“Oh, Dave,” You say. “If I’ve got to be stuck on a rock in space with six aliens and one other human, I’m glad it’s you, too.”

 

He doesn’t say anything, but you can see his smile curl up further. A relieved contentedness starts filling the echo chamber in your chest, and after your brother starts tossing pair after pair of alchemized shades your way, the light on this rock finally feels just right.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://www.pennamepersona.tumblr.com) for if you wanna talk about Homestuck shit or also other stuff, but I'm hitting my stride on Homestuck again and I've got so fucking much to say on it, seriously
> 
> This thing is officially a series now, so I might be adding stuff to it periodically, and if you've got any requests for some retcon meteor stuff, please hit me up!


End file.
